


Time, it's Indefinite

by Kneekeyta



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Engagement Party, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Smut, finn and another girl for a littl bit, so much pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:33:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25887403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kneekeyta/pseuds/Kneekeyta
Summary: where Rae and Finn worked together and pined together.
Relationships: Rae Earl & Finn Nelson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

Chloe brushed against her as she crossed through the double doors, Archie taking her into a hug. Rae took a couple breaths before she finally allowed herself to enter, she was only too fortunate to have a waiter walking by at the exact same moment. She picked up a glass of champagne and downed it in one go, setting the empty glass on the serving tray of another waiter that happened to walk by. To get through this evening she was going to need lots and lots of alcohol. After Archie released Chloe and they had a small chat he walked up to her, well it was more of a “I’m so sorry” strut. He smiled thinly at her and she returned it as much as she could, “Didn’t think you would come.” He said as he leaned into kiss her on the cheek.

“Chloe made me.” She squeaked.

“Well, you look beautiful.”

“Thanks Arch, now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find the bar.” She smiled sadly, patting him on the shoulder as she walked away. The decorations were beautiful very _her._ It was silver and white and everything seemed to sparkle and shimmer. Her heels clacked on the marble floor as she made her way across the room, her eyes not wandering for fear of what she might see. She wasn’t quite ready for that yet.

She found the bar, a happy sight and ordered a vodka rocks. She decided to head further into the house and save the sympathetic looks from her friends. Seeing a few people entering from outside she slipped passed them and out where she was presented with fairy lights and a fountain. Luckily most of the guests were inside where it was warm so she knew she would be able to hide out for a little while, either until she left or built the courage to actually face him.

Taking a sip of her drink she walked nearer the back side of the house where there were pillars every few steps. She looked out onto to the property and decided leaving seemed like the better choice, she originally wanted to see him but she wouldn’t know how to handle seeing him after so long, after how she just left him, and to see him happy with another, was something she wasn’t even sure her heart could bear, and she only had herself to blame.

Leaning against a pillar she decided she would at least finish her drink and sneak off, well, she didn’t even really need to sneak it’s not like she crashed, she was invited but who would miss her anyhow? Tears were forming and to drown them out she took a healthy gulp of the burning liquid. Sighing loudly, she pressed the back of her head against the cold pillar, a breeze picked up and the faint smell of cigarette smoke wafted through the air. Taking a peak around the pillar she spotted him, he was standing one hand in his pocket the other with the cigarette at his lips, he was looking out into the vast property in front of him, her heart lurched; she would give anything to know what he was thinking.

“Finn, Finn, you out here?” A voice called.

Rae jerked her head back hiding herself behind the pillar, she closed her eyes thinking that was close, then suddenly felt someone in front of her. She opened her eyes, “Fi-“ he stopped her placing two fingers softly against her lips, he looked at her and then his gaze broke when his name was called again. It seemed an eternity had passed, then finally he removed his hand and stepped back looking around the pillar.

“I don’t even know most of those people, and I’m not much of a talker.” He said, sadly.

She knows, “Yeah.”

“Didn’t think you would come.” He said turning to face her.

“Well, I was invited.” She shrugged. It was partly true that Chloe did pressure her a little bit, but she didn’t need that much convincing to show up.

He nodded then looked down, at his shoes as he rocked on his feet, “Don’t worry though, one more sip and I’m leaving.” She tossed back her drink and began to make her way past him.

She was turned around quickly by him catching her elbow, “You don’t have to leave.”

Taking a deep breath she nodded, “Oh but I do.” She exhaled. “I really do.”

“Why?” he asked.

“Because.” She said and tried to pull away from him, though it wasn’t with much effort.

“Why, Rae?”

She looked down at his hand on her arm, she dropped her arm to her side and took a step closer to him, wanting to really look into his eyes as she finally said it, “Because I love you.”

“Why now?” he asked, she could see the tears in his eyes.

Pushing her shoulders up she took a breath and released them, “Because it’s what I do, I ruin things and I push people away, until it’s too late.” She turned walking away her arm sliding out of his soft grasp.

She kept her head down walking through the house, miraculously she slipped out unnoticed by their friends. She followed the path down the long cobbled drive way and when she could see her car, she figured it was close enough and let the her tears fall. She dug in her purse for her keys and finally finding them she tried her best to stop her shaking so she could unlock her door, but she dropped them, she picked them up and steadied herself enough to unlock the door.

“A year, Rae. One year.” She hears him firmly tell her.

Her shoulders sag and she turns to see him wipe his tears, it only makes hers fall faster.

“I loved you.” He choked out.

“Why didn’t you say it back?” he asked as he walked towards her.

She winces as that night flashes in her mind.

_“You are like my knight and shining armor Finnley!” she smiled and slung her arms him tucking her head into the crook of his neck._

_“Rae.”_

_“Hmm.” She hummed, her lips resting against his neck._

_“I think, I mean I know..” he stumbled._

_“Know what?” she murmured._

_“I love you.”_

She had sobered up some then pulling back to look at him, he inched closer to her and she went the rest of the way, and she’ll never forget the way his lips felt against hers when they finally met.

Coming back to reality with him steps in front of her she shrugged gesticulating her arms wildly, “I..the way you kissed me, I’d never known a feeling like that, I was scared, you weren’t part of my plan, I never expected to meet you and fall in love, I had this idea in my head of where my life would go and then I meet you and you were all I could picture.” She sobbed.

“Do you think it wasn’t hard for me, you think I wanted to push you away, I didn’t but it’s what I do, never get close to anyone, never let anyone in, save yourself the heartache in the end. That’s the way I always lived, and then you happen, and for the first time in my life I wanted to let go, I wanted to let go, so fucking bad, but I couldn’t.” she continued.

“You could’ve Rae.” He cried taking another step towards her.

“No, no.” she shook her head.

“Rae, why, just tell me why, please.” He begged, his cheeks wet and eyes stained red.

“It doesn’t matter anymore, it’s too late.” She choked opening her car door and as she shut it he was at her window begging her to please let him in, no matter how much she wanted too there was no point he was getting married in a matter of months.

Driving off in the direction of her hotel warm tears streaming down her face the image of Finns face behind her she couldn’t help but think back to when they met.

\--

**_Two years earlier_ **

“Okay, you got this, so what if it’s just delivering mail and getting the coffee, you’re in.” She pressed the button to the eighteenth floor fidgeting nervously.

When the lift dinged and the doors opened she was in complete awe of the massive lobby, she stepped out of the lift and walked slowly up to the receptionist.

“Hi, hi, I’m Rae, Rachel Earl.” She smiled.

The woman held up her hand a moment then looked to her, “Over there with the other one, I’ll take you back shortly.”

Rae nodded and slowly backed away, she turned to see only one other person sitting in a row of chairs, and she walked over sitting one away from him.

She sat twiddling with her thumbs, the boy one seat away shaking his leg, “Nervous? Me too, but it’s just getting coffee how hard can it be right?” she chuckled to herself.

He shrugged, “Right.” She said softly.

“Finn Nelson, and Rachel Earl this way please.” They both stood and approached the woman who called them, as they got close she turned away from them, Rae shared a look with the boy next to her then they proceeded to follow behind.

Passing through the double doors there was desks and phones ringing, people chattering away, it was heaven. They passed down a long hallway and slowed as they approached the last two doors in the hall.

“Right, here is the mail room, across is the break room, where you’ll find the coffee machine, vending machine, et. you two will be in charge of separating and sorting mail for all the employees on this floor.”

“Is Dj, Spindle on this floor?” Rae blurted out, then clamped her hand over her mouth.

“Yes, he is, I’m sure you know that he’s on air now, but..” she glanced down at her watch, “in about 45 minutes he’ll be wanting his coffee, two sugars no milk, back down the hall take the first left, studios at the end.”

She passed between Rae and Finn, “Oh and I’m Patricia, Welcome to Spindle Towers.” She spoke as she glided back down the hall not giving them a second look.

Rae turned and saw all of the mail bins completely filled, there were small trolleys in there as well, so she set her bag down, “Um, I’ll sort this one?” she asked.

Finn just nodded, she went to work separating making sure to keep an eye on the time. When it was nearing time she had already sorted a good chunk of the mail and figured when she took Spindle his coffee she could get a good layout of the floor and everyone on it.

She moved her pile onto the trolley and stood, “Um Finn, do you wanna go check out the break room and the rest of the place, get a layout?” she asked.

He nodded and stood following behind her, they made their way to the break room and Rae made the coffee, it was a basic layout nothing hard to manage. She hesitated a moment and then went back out and he followed her, she made her way to where Patricia had instructed her, anxious to deliver the coffee to the hottest Dj of the moment. Walking up she saw the light was on so they were still on air, she looked to Finn and he was leaning against the wall looking down, when she looked back the light went off and just as she stepped forward to open the door, Patricia walked up, “I got it thanks, need to deliver messages anyway.” She smiled taking the cup from Rae.

“But..I….” she stuttered to a basically empty hall.

She shrugged it off thinking maybe tomorrow. Making her away through the floor she found it would be easy enough to deliver the mail. So she and Finn went back to the mail room.

The rest of the day seemed to go by in a blur, when it was finally time she picked up her bag Finn picking his own up and following her out. As she made her way to the back of lifts she wondered if he was just going to follow her around the entire time, if he even wanted to be there. At the bottom level she stepped out and said, “See you tomorrow Finn.” And turned to make her way home, thinking she might have heard him grunt in response.

The rest of the week followed pretty much the same routine, mail, coffee, more mail, more coffee, it also included her babbling on about one thing or another, mainly music, but Finn still hadn’t said anything to her, he just did his work and nodded occasionally.

When the end of the second week rolled around they were also given the task of cleaning the studio when everyone was gone, Rae screamed in excitement, internally of course.

She took a deep breath and slowly entered, Finn as always, behind her, there wasn’t much to clean, a few paper cups, some balled up paper, they picked up quickly and then she just couldn’t resist, she sat in the chair.

She pulled the mic to her, “And we’re back with No Crap f.m. here to make your day a little less crappy.” She chuckled to herself and spun around in the chair.

Finn was sat in the chair opposite her, she noticed, “Our first guest today, is the one the only, Finn the grump Nelson.” She laughed.

He looked up at her and had what seemed to be a hint of a smile on his face, “Ladies and gentlemen a true historic event has just taken place, mark your calendars, for this is the day that the dickhead that is Finn Nelson has actually attempted to smile.” She spoke into the mic.

He full body laughed at her and she was in complete shock. “So you can laugh and make sounds then?” she asked him.

“Yeah, I can.” He rolled his eyes playfully at her.

She furrowed her eyebrows a moment, “What?” he asked shifting in his seat.

“That’s not how I imagined your voice would sound.”

“I just..you have a good voice, one for the radio even.” She said nodding at the decks.

“You think?”

“Yeah, but that would mean you’d have to actually talk.” She smirked.

“I do talk…just only people I like talking to.”

“Riiiight.” She drawled.

“Well, if and when you decide you like talking to me, let me know, it’d be nice to listen for a change and I’m sure you could go without me banging on constantly about..well..nothin’ really, plus I have a few questions for you.”

He nodded, “Okay, well, we’re done here so we can make like a tree.”

His face contorted, “Leave.” She sighed, “Dumb joke, I know.” She chuckled to herself.

They gathered up their things from the mail room and walked together to the lift, upon entering they both went to push the button, their fingers colliding Rae pulled hers back and Finn pressed the button. Her hand felt warm and tingly and she curled it into a ball trying to understand this strange reaction. It was a comfortable sort of quiet riding the lift down, from the reflection of the doors she saw he had his head down, he lifted it up once and in the reflection their eyes met and he looked away. When they exited Rae was making to go left and was about to tell him goodnight but was beat to the punch, “What kind of questions?” Finn asked.

She turned facing him, “Just the basics I guess.”

He nodded and seemed like he was going to speak but she spoke up offering up a suggestion, “How about we go to a pub? That is if you don’t have plans. Its Friday night so you might have a date or somethin’ I dunno just a thought –“

“Yeah, I mean no, I..” he struggled for a moment. “I mean, no, I don’t have plans or a date, yes, let’s go to the pub.”

\--

**_Present time_ **

Walking in her hotel she kept her head down, upon entering the lift she wiped at the tears on her cheeks and under her eyes. Looking up in the lift she caught her reflection in the mirrored doors she shook her head, “You’re an idiot.” She mumbled to herself. The lift dinged and the doors opened, she stepped out turning left, she dug around in her purse for her keycard and her phone started ringing. She let it, not bothering as it was probably just Chloe, she would eventually have to explain but tonight wasn’t the night to do it. She had just broken her heart all over again, it was enough.

When she entered her room she dropped her bag and slid out of her heels. She collapsed on the bed, and pulled a pillow to her chest hugging it tightly to her as her tears began to fall once more. She buried her face into her pillow trying to drown out the sounds of her sobs. Her phone rang again and it only caused her to squeeze her pillow tighter.

This wasn’t supposed to happen, she shouldn’t have went, but sometimes to let go you need to see things for yourself. But she didn’t see what she thought she would see. She didn’t see him happy, mingling, with his hand on _her_ lower back talking about how he purposed, how special it was. No, she saw the same person she saw that first day at their internship, a scared, unsure look, wondering if he was good enough. He had come so far since that first day, but his look tonight it was like nothing had really changed, it made her wonder if he was really happy.

There was timid knock at her door, she paused for a moment deciding to ignore it, thinking it was Chloe or Izzy, or both. There was another knock that she also ignored. A beat passed and she relaxed thinking they were gone.

“Rae.”

She gasped and sat up instantly, “Please.”

Carefully she stood and walked over to the door, she spied out the peephole to see him, his puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks.

She sighed pressing her forehead against the door. “Do you remember that first day?” she nodded, because of course she remembers everything with him and him asking her that makes her wonder if he had been thinking about that first day as well; it was the happiest time in her life thus far. There was some movement and the door rattled, she looked out the peephole and he was nowhere in sight, but when she looked down there was a shadow under the door, he was still there. She guessed he was sitting against it. Slowly she slid down and pressed her back against the door.

“I followed you around like a lost puppy.” He chuckled. “But I knew, instantly, I knew you were going to mean something to me, that you were going to make an impact on my life, but I didn’t know how much, and it was far greater than anything I could’ve imagined that’s for sure.”

“That first night at the pub..” he trailed of a moment sharing a light laugh. “I hadn’t spoken so much at one time in all my life.”

\---

**_2 years prior, the pub_ **

“Okay I’ll get the first round what’ll ya have?” Rae asked as Finn sat at a booth.

“Fosters, ta.”

She ordered herself a snakebite and his fosters and brought them to the table, she took a sip of hers and waited for him to finish his gulp.

“Are you nervous?” she eyed him curiously, he was a bit fidgety and had a strange ora about him.

“No, I’m fine.”

She nodded, “So..how about we play twenty questions?” she offered, “So we can get to know each other a little better.” She had played this with one of her friends long ago, Tix, and thought it was a good ice breaker, but she would have to change some questions.

“A’right.” he shrugged.

“Okay, hmm…Full name?”

“Finnley Ryan Nelson. You?”

“Rachel Elizabeth Earl. Favorite color?”

“Red, you?”

“Same.” Rae smiled. “Any siblings?”

“Only child.”

Rae nodded, “I was, and then when I were 16 my mum had my half-sister Jess.”

“It was just me and my dad, mum bailed when I was little…and there was my nan.” He shrugged, a hint of sadness in his voice.

“So did my dad.” Rae offered, feeling comforted by the fact that he knew what the loss of a parent who left felt like.

They were silent a moment each taking a sip of their drinks, “Okay, enough of that.” Rae laughed sadly, “Favorite movie?”

“Reservoir Dogs.”

“Tarantino, nice….Mine umm, it’s kinda silly but its tied to a memory, its … well, The Little Mermaid, see we didn’t have much money, y’know my mum being a single parent and all, but she got it for me for my birthday, I was so happy, and she let me watch it over and over, singing each song at the top of my lungs. I still have it even though it doesn’t play anymore…but that’s it.” She shrugged looking at her pint running her finger around the rim.

“That’s a nice though, means more to you.” Finn replied.

Rae looked up at him and smiled, it was one of the few nice memories she had from her childhood.

“So you wanna be a dj then?” he asked, it was almost like he could sense her uneasiness.

“Yeah, I decided in college that’s what I wanted to do, I mean I bang on enough and have decent taste in music so, why not, y’know?”

Finn nodded, “Did you always wanna do something in music?”

“Yeah, well, my mate and his band did a lot of shows and I did the tech side of stuff, I’m good at it, so I thought why not be on the other side of the radio y’know…” he trailed off.

“Yeah, cool. So what kind of music did they play?”

They talked and talked and ended up shutting the place down and still continued to talk as they shared a cab, until it dropped Rae off first. The following weeks found Finn coming out of his shell and talking more and them going out after work.

\--

**_Present time_ **

“Rae, so many times I thought you knew how I felt, that you could just see right through me, but you never said anything. But oh how I wished you did…that I did sooner.”

Rae was softly crying, letting her tears roll down her cheeks, neck and chest. She wanted to say how many times she thought about it, wondered if she was over thinking things, that she loved him. But her voice was caught in her throat and she couldn’t speak.

“I know things changed when Olivia came in the picture.”

It was true, she didn’t like to think about it. Olivia was the daughter of a higher up in the company, she showed up three months into her and Finns internship, she took an immediate liking to Finn, always flirting and stroking his arm. He was always visibly uncomfortable with her contact but was too nice to say anything, he would just fumble over his words and find a task he forgot to do to get out of her grasp. But to Rae, to the eye, perfectly nice, alone not so much. Olivia had told her on several occasions when she would tag along on their pub excursions witnessing how close he and Rae were that it was never going to happen, _“Fit guys like Finn, don’t like blobs like you.”_ It felt like college all over again.

It was like she was trying to engrain it into her thoughts, like she didn’t already know. So when the yearlong internship was finally coming to an end and it was to be decided if they were to stay or go, she was surprised at her being offered a job at an affiliate company in Glasgow, Olivia giving her an outstanding recommendation. That night she celebrated, her, Finn, and the rest of the gang. That was when he told her.

“But it was always you Rae, you, no one else.”

“Still is you, and it doesn’t matter how much time has passed or will pass, it’s looking to always be you…unless…” he trailed off.

“Unless what?” She answered.

“Unless… you open this door and tell me otherwise, tell me to go, because for you it’s never gonna be me.”

She sniffled and wiped her tears, pushing her palms into the carpet she pushed herself up to stand, she smoothed down her dress and cleared her throat, she gripped the door knob took one last deep breath and opened the door.

He scrambled to stand, his cheeks wet with fresh tears.

She shrugged her shoulders, “It doesn’t matter, because even if I tell you that I’ve probably loved you longer than you loved me, that you were my best friend, that you helped me in ways you couldn’t even begin to understand… to tell you that I still think about you every day, that I wish I were brave enough to tell you, to let you in.”

She sniffled, “All of that doesn’t matter because you’re getting married. Married.” She laughed humorously.

“It matters, you matter, Rae. I love you.”

“Don’t. Don’t say that. It’s too hard.”

“It doesn’t have to be, we could be brave together.” He lifted his hand out towards her.

She stared at him a moment longer before looking at his outstretched hand, she moved slightly her body gravitating towards him but she pulled back her eyes snapping back to his. It was like he sensed her hesitation and took a tentative step closer to her, he waited then slowly slid his palm across her cheek letting it linger. She couldn’t help but relax into his touch. It was always warm and welcoming.

He smoothed his thumb across her cheek, “Rae.” She closed her eyes and took a breath. She felt him move and then he was touching his forehead to hers. “I’ve missed you so much.”

This was it, it was now or never but was she really ready to tell him everything?

She let out a shaky breath and nodded.


	2. Chapter 2

She let out a shaky breath and nodded, he pressed his lips to hers and she kissed him back, she was already starting to feel the point of no return. She slid her right hand up his chest and around his back guiding him into her room. It was time to be brave, no matter what the outcome was.

When the back of her knees hit the bed he removed his hands from her face to shrug off his blazer. With his lips back on hers he gently lay her down, she wrapped her left leg around him and he slid his hand down her body, ghosting over the swell of her breast, tickling across her ribs and stomach, smoothing around to cup her bum before gently gripping her thigh, this caused her to wince. He pulled away, “Alright?” he asked, moving his hand back to cradle her cheek.

“I…I need to show you something.”

“Okay.” He replied, then kissed her chastely.

The room was still dark, she could hardly make him out; she slipped off the bed and turned on the bedside light. She took him in, he was sitting up against the headboard now, removing his loosened tie, he looked the same as he always did when they were together, his body relaxed and soft.

“Right, if …if we’re going to do this, really do this, then we need to talk first, because I have a lot to say.” She let out a nervous stream of breath and tried to make her own body relax.

“We’re doing this, so let’s talk.” He said meaningfully, and reaching for her hand. He squeezed it and but she then released it.

“Okay. Okay, but before…before I do this, I need to know what you want?” she rushed.

“You, I want you, to be with you.”

She couldn’t look directly at him and instead studied her nailbeds, “And…and what if you hear something you don’t like, what then?”

“It’s not likely, but I’ll just say we’ll take it slow. Really talk. Alright?”

She nodded quickly, “Alright.”

Taking a breath she began smoothing her hands around the back of her dress, she reached under the skirt hooking her thumbs inside the band of her tights; she pulled them down as gracefully as she could, balancing on one leg at a time as she stepped out of them. Letting them pool on the floor, she took a few breaths before her next move. Her fingers tentatively gripped the hem of her dress, she then slowly slid the material up her thighs, “I should start at the beginning.” She spoke as the scars of her past came into view.

“Rae.” Finn sat up immediately swinging his legs off the bed planting his feet on the carpet with a thud. He reached out hesitantly, he looked up at her for permission and she nodded. He delicately touched the tip of his fingers over her scars. When he traced the longest and deepest one, she winced, he grabbed her hands and guided her to the bed, where they sat cross legged in front of each other, knees touching.

She couldn’t look at him just yet, she was about to speak about a part of her life she vowed to never share with anyone, and now she was about to share it with _the_ someone. The someone she thought she would never have, the someone she loved who loved her back.

“When I were sixteen, I..it was rough. I had just fallen out with Chloe, and I was bullied a lot, well I was always bullied really, but I wasn’t home alone. At 16 I was home alone all the time, I had no one. I told you my mum was a single parent, and said that my dad bailed when I was little, but I never acknowledged how much that hurt until much later. My mum started a second job and I sometimes went days without seeing her, she was the only constant in my life, then…nothing, I know she had to work so we could live…but..it just made me think about my dad, about why he left, if it was me, why he never wanted me..” He squeezed her hands and she pushed on.

“When you’re alone, your thoughts can become dangerous, they can drive you mad, drive you to do things. It was me, my voice, telling me how hated I was, that no one wanted me around, that I was just a fat blob..I couldn’t handle…just everything was building, I felt trapped, I was trapped inside my own head, inside my body, and I was itching for a release, some way to get out. I still don’t remember where I got the blade, but I do remember dragging it across my thigh, I do remember the relief I felt, I wasn’t cutting to punish myself, I was cutting to get out of myself, even saying it doesn’t make sense, but it was a release, it was like some of the poison inside of me was gone for a while.” She paused and finally looked up at him. Unabashedly he let his tears fall, his eyes on her, never wavering.

Swallowing the lump in her throat and straining to not release tears she continued, “One night I went too far, my mum found me. I was admitted to the hospital and then to a psychiatric ward, a mental home. For four months.”

\--

She went on to tell him about Tix and Danny, about reconnecting with Chloe and meeting her gang of friends, Archie, Chop and Izzy. How life was still hard but she managed with her friends at her side and by taking medication and seeing her therapist every week. That she was still bullied sometimes but vowed to never cut again, even though times were hard. She told him about her diary how it was almost a new form of release. That she slowly was started to feel better than she had in years, and for once had hope things might be okay.

After sharing some of the more pleasant stories, that of her summers with her mates, all the laughs and shenanigans they got up to, she then moved on to talk about when she went to uni. Where she thought everyone was supposed to be more mature and goal oriented, but she found that somethings just don’t change.

“He was in my sound engineering class, he was really nice, sweet even.” She shook her head. “I should’ve known it was too good to be true. It was just a game between him and his mates, it didn’t go further than a short kiss.” She sighed.

“I had a small set back after that, I knew that no one would ever like me; that I would always be the mental fat blob, but I let my guard down. I guess it was just…well, he was the first guy to ever show interest in me in more than a friendly way and it seemed genuine. But after that I decided to just focus on school and getting to where I wanted to be in life, to not ever bother with anything romantic, it wasn’t that hard really. No one ever showed any interest me before that or after that, and I never got close enough to anyone to feel anything, well, until you.”

Letting out a tired breath she began again, “Friends I’m good at, I can bang on about nothing all day, tell a joke or two, nothing serious, friendly stuff, but that first night at the pub, I had a feeling about you, it was one I wasn’t used to, I couldn’t figure it out at first, but as the weeks went by the more we hung out, and when I introduced you to my friends…I realized what it was. I was in love with you.”

“Rae…I..” he sniffled, he shook his head and released her hands to scrub them over his face. “I’m so sorry, I don’t…I don’t even know what to say.”

“Hey.” She said grabbing his hands holding them in hers, he sniffled hard and looked at her.

“You don’t have to say anything or at least not right now, I just… I don’t want you to think differently of me, pity me.”

“I don’t, I could never, I…I do think you’re strong, stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

“It’s day to day, but I’m better than I used to be.”

He smiled and laughed lightly, “That first night at the pub changed me, my outlook, I knew you were going be very important to me. I really thought you knew as time went on, it was getting harder to hide my feelings for you, but it never seemed like you were interested in any other way besides friendship.” He paused a moment, “..but then the night you got the promotion and we all went out, and that fucking twat who groped you, I just I couldn’t help but hit him. When you hugged me, I had to tell you, I couldn’t keep it in anymore. The thought of you leaving and not knowing how I felt….”

She nodded sadly for him to continue.

“After we kissed I thought this is it, she must feel it too because she kissed me back, and I was nervous about the next day, we had so much to talk about, what it meant, if we could start something up, what would happen if we did and you had to move in a month, but nothing….Rae…you said nothing.”

“I was scared, Finn. I’m so sorry. There’s nothing else to say, I was terrified, I had spent so much time working on keeping myself to myself I just couldn’t chance staying and us not working out, getting my heartbroken and losing out on an amazing opportunity, I didn’t want to be the girl who gave up her dream for a guy.”

He nodded, “I get that, Rae. But you didn’t even want to talk, how do you know what would have happened, we would have worked it out, if I knew then that you loved me I would have done anything to make it work.”

“And then you just left, two weeks before you were scheduled to, it hurt so much, not only because I was in love with you but we were friends, best friends and you just left, no goodbye nothing…if I would have known I would have went after you, followed you gave up what I had which was hardly anything, to be with you.” A few tears streaked down his face.

Her chest hurt seeing how badly she hurt him, “I regret it to this day, but I was so scared….it hurt to do that to you but I broke my own heart in the process.”

“And then when I heard about you and Olivia I thought maybe you-“

He cut her off, “That…” he shook his head. “Was a mistake, complete mistake. You were gone two months I hadn’t heard from you and I wasn’t handling it well, we went out for drinks I got pissed and I just kind of fell into it, I never even called her my girlfriend I was just there.”

“I know it doesn’t make sense or excuse it but I was hurt and she wanted me, I guess I used her but she used me too, then she comes in one day and says to let’s get married, she was getting older and didn’t want to wait, I never gave her an answer, she even bought her own ring, that was a month ago..but then I heard her dad saying that she made a good match and it just…it was a marriage of convenience for her.”

“And now?” Rae asked.

“And now what?” Finn furrowed his eyebrows.

“Well, where does that leave you…with her? You never said exactly what happened before you came here, I suspect Chloe told you where I was staying?”

“I was going to tell her officially after the party, I had tried to before after I heard what her dad said but she didn’t want to hear it, I was never going to marry her, Rae. She just never gave me that chance to tell her, I couldn’t not while I was in love with you, she didn’t deserve that and neither do I.”

“But after you left I went back in and found Olivia, we went to a room to chat and she needed to finally listen, I told her it was off. That I didn’t want to marry her, she tried to talk me out of it but I said no, I could never marry her. I walked out found Chloe asked her where you were and left with my name being shouted behind me. And I probably don’t have a job anymore but it was worth it, you’re worth it.”

“Are you sure?” she sniffled

“Yes, Rae, yes. I’m sorry it’s taken this long, I should have went after you before…I should have done something tried harder…it’s you Rae, its only you.” He cried desperately cradling her cheek.

“I really missed you.” She spoke as fresh tears started to fall.

“No more tears, girl, I’m right here, and we’re together now.” he spoke as his thumb smoothed away a rolling tear.

She nodded and leaned forward pressing her lips to his, the kiss slowly started to heat up, Finns hands went to her hips and he guided her to straddle him. She ran her fingers through his hair, whimpering softly as he moved his kisses down, nipping and sucking on her neck, she could feel how much he wanted her by what was pressing between her thighs, it mad her ache in a way she’d never known, she was wanting him, all of him. She brushed herself against him eliciting a deep throaty groan from him, she did it again with a little more pressure, and he moaned kissing her hard. She slowly grinded against him, this being the most intimate she’s ever been with anyone, he would be her first everything.

Kissing her he then maneuvered them so he was on top of her, she hooked her left leg around his waist, his hand pawing at her ass. He kissed down her neck to the top of her breast, she moaned pressing herself into him.

He stopped letting his head rest on her breasts, “You’re…you’re a virgin, yeah?”

“Yeah.” She whispered combing her fingers through his hair.

He looked up at her holding his palm to her cheek, “I really, I mean really want ya, but we can stop anytime you want, I don’t want you to do this unless your absolutely sure about us and a hundred percent ready to do it, I wouldn’t want you to regret anything.” She nodded, and he continued, “Okay. So we can stop and talk some more or just go to sleep, just know I want this, I want you, I want us, alright?”

She wanted him, so badly, but maybe waiting was a good idea, they had just gotten together after a year apart, this was all new, maybe it was best to take it slow.

“Okay, yeah.”

“Alright.” He smiled and kissed her chastely.

\--

She came out of the bathroom and he was settled under the duvet and flipped the other side up for her as she walked over, she giggled lightly pulling her short nightgown down so it wouldn’t ride up when she slid under. He was just in his boxers. She slid down in the bed and turned on her side. He mimicked her, their noses nearly touching.

“Hi.” She whispered.

“Hi.” He smiled, “I love you.”

“I love you, so much.” She said, she could feel the tears forming, but brushed them off by pressing her lips to his.

They held each other close their limbs tangled, just breathing each other in. Coming tonight she never expected this to happen, for him to be next to her, kissing her and telling her he still loved her after all this time. She fell asleep with ease, his soft breaths tickling her cheeks.

\--

She’s feeling hot, and the body next to her moved, and the hand on her stomach pulled her closer as a sigh escaped him, she smiled to herself as he nuzzled the back of her neck. She slowly rolled over so she was facing him, the sun was coming up from behind illuminating him, and she couldn’t help but press a tender kiss to his cheek.

His lips formed a smile and his eyes started to flutter open, “Morning, girl.”

“Good morning, Finnley.” She smiled sleepily.

Staring into his sleepy eyes she whispered, “This is real.”

“Very real.” He murmured, then leaned in kissing her, she slid her hand around his back and pulled him to her, she rolled over so she was laying flat letting him lay half on top of her, as the kissing increased she knew this was it, she was sure it was him, but then she knew it always would be.

Being brave she slid her hand down his back and hooked her thumb under the band of his boxer pulling them down a little, he pulled away from the kiss, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I want us.”

He nodded, then kissed her some more. He then slid his hand underneath her nightgown, her body trembling with the contact, “Alright?” he asked softly and she nodded. He watched her as he slid his hand between her thighs, she closed her eyes as he lightly stroked over her panties. Applying a light pressure she shifted her pelvis up wanting more. He moved higher until he was gliding his fingers under the band of her panties, his fingers slipping effortlessly over her slickness, rubbing small circles into her clit. She had never felt pleasure like this before, what she felt was exquisite, her body was tingling, her toes curling, but then her eyes popped open feeling him slipping one finger inside of her, she groaned and pushed her head further into the pillow as he massaged inside of her. He kissed her as he slowly drew his finger in and out, soon another finger joining and his thumb tapping her clit.

She was whimpering between kisses, it felt so out of this world fantastic, that when she did come it was with a soft cry and him whispering encouragements in her ear, and her fingers gripping the duvet so hard they hurt. Giggling was probably the last thing she should do but she couldn’t help it, after so many years of thinking that some bodies weren’t meant to be touched, believing that her body was not meant to be touched, she was here, with the man she loved giving her pleasure she never knew existed. She’s touched herself of course but it was nothing compared to what he just did. “Good?” He laughed lightly.

“Yeah.” She nodded, she cupped his face and kissed him. Hands were roaming and she started pushing down his boxers. He wasted no time helping her get them off, he slid off her panties and dropped them on the floor, she sat up and he slowly pulled her night gown over her head.

He cupped her face, “I love you, Rae.”

She pressed her lips to his and he gently laid her back, she could feel him pressing into her thigh causing the ache between her thighs to increase. He moved in turn sucking, lapping and swirling his tongue around her nipples. She arched up never knowing how sensitive her nipples were and how she felt it in her core. “Finn.” She whined. “Please.”

He smoothed his hand down her stomach to between her thighs rubbing her clit, he slipped two fingers inside of her causing her to moan. She was loving it but she wanted to feel him inside of her. She reached between them and gripped him lightly. “Please.” She said with a little more urgency. He sighed and pressed his forehead to her chest.

“I want to, I wanna make love to you, but I don’t…I don’t have a condom.” He looked up at her apologetically.

She brushed his fringe aside, “Good thing I’m on the pill then, eh?” she smiled.

“Really?” he asked his eyes going wide.

“Yeah, it’s not only for preventing pregnancy, it helps with killer cramps and clears your skin amongst other things.”

“That…that is very good to know.” He nodded thoughtfully.

“Yeah so what are you gonna do about it?” she smirked.

He gave her a lopsided smile then pressed his lips to hers as he positioned himself over her. He slid his cock between her wet folds causing her to moan into their kiss, he pulled away a fraction, asking “Ready?” She nodded vigorously, he kissed her and slowly pressed himself into her, she winced as it stung a little. He inched in a little at a time, when he was fully in she was breathing heavily, she felt full and needed him to move. She nodded giving him the okay so he started slowly pulling out a little then going back in, after a few minutes the sting was gone and she was moaning and begging him to go a little faster. He obliged picking up his pace, and once it started to really build he lifted her left leg hooking it around his waist which made her scream out in absolute pleasure, she clenched around him and he stuttered a few profanities about how amazing she felt.

“Fi-iinnn.” She whimpered. He reached between them rubbing her clit, and she cried out coming instantly and he came seconds after.

They were still pressed together minutes later their breathing having evened out, Finn gently removed himself from Rae and pulled her to him. She nuzzled into his chest, feeling sated and sleepy. “I love you.” She murmured. He kissed the top of her head and her eyes closed.

\--

“Check out is in a two hours.”

“I know.” He said flatly.

“I don’t wanna leave either, but we haven’t left this room in three days.” She smiled wrapping her arms around him from behind. They spent the past three days talking, ordering room service, not charging their dead phones, and making love everywhere, in the shower, in the bath, on the bed, on the settee, and even the floor when they got too into it and rolled off. It was heaven, but reality was calling them back.

“I’m gonna go get some stuff from my flat, make some calls and I’ll meet you back here in and hour?” he turned into her

“I’ll be here.” She smiled. He leaned in and kissed her.

“Love you.” He said pulling out of the kiss.

She echoed the words back to him; walking him to the door they shared one last kiss before he left. She went into the bathroom to dry her hair and finally put some clothes on as she’s been naked the pretty much the entire time besides wearing the provided dressing gowns in the room when answering the door for room service. After changing she made a few phone calls herself. When she was done she started to pack. It took her just under an hour to get ready, she thought she would just check out early as Finn would be there soon and she could wait down stairs for him.

Opening the door she took one look back and smiled in to the empty room, as she was shutting the door the phone rang, she ignored it figuring it was probably the front desk reminding her of check out times. In the lobby she finished checking out and glanced at the large clock, it was just after ten, so she rolled her luggage over to the sitting area to wait Finns arrival.

She thought over the last few days about what was going to happen now that they were together. On day two she asked him what happens when their little bubble had to burst, and they had to go back to reality. That they both had separate lives, how do they make them work. He told her that he would move to Glasgow to be with her. She was hesitant, she wanted to be with him, but didn’t want him to quit his job for her. He explained that it was highly unlikely he had a job to go back to, and even if he did, it didn’t matter because he was stuck doing basically the same thing and that’s not what he wanted for himself. Rae knew how much pull Olivia had in the company and wondered if she would fire him. When he asked if she wanted him to go with her she said yes, but as long as it was what he wanted, saying that it was he said that he would go and get some things and have his dad take care of the rest. Then asking him what he would do if he went home and Olivia was there, he said she most likely wouldn’t be. Rae thought this was strange as it was her home too and why wouldn’t she be there, then thought maybe she stayed elsewhere to deal with things. When she voiced this he gave her a confused look then cleared it up her confusion by telling her that they didn’t live together, she had suggested him moving in with her but he declined.

_“I told you, Rae, it was never meant to be serious.”_

He went on to explain their relationship in more detail and it really seemed as more of a friends with benefits situation, and the benefits were few and far between, which is why Finn was caught off guard with her wanting to get married, but feeling lost he never questioned it.

She was brought out of her reverie by her stomach grumbling, she glanced at the large clock again it was going on noon, so she decided to go to the hotel restaurant for some lunch.

\--

Paying her check and picking up the takeaway she got for Finn unsure if he had eaten she walked towards the lobby to wait for Finn but paused as she approached the sitting area upon hearing some commotion at reception.

“How long ago?”

“Well, did you see what way she went?”

“Finn.” She said walking up behind him.

He turned around and a rush of relief crossed over his face and he swept her up into a bone crushing hug. She couldn’t hug him back as she had her luggage in one hand and his food in the other.

“Everything alright?” she calmly asked.

“I went up to the room and you weren’t answering the door, then when I came down they said you checked out early...I thought…I thought…” she could feel the slight tremble in his body and in his voice, and it really set in how much her leaving affected him.

“It’s okay, I’m here.” She cooed gently.

“Come on lets go.” He released her and grabbed her luggage with his left hand taking her left hand in his right.

Outside the door man was waiting with his luggage, he dropped her hand and rolled the luggage towards the car park, “Where is your car?” she asked as he opened the door for her.

“Oh, I picked up Archie on the way to my flat so he could drive me back.” He smiled thinly. She got in and he walked around putting their luggage in the boot then got in the driver seat.

“What happened Finn, why were you so upset?” she asked, knowing there was more going on.

“Why didn’t you tell me what Olivia said to you?” he said as he stared blankly at the steering wheel.

She took in a shallow breath surprised that Olivia had even brought that up to him and it made her wonder when she told him.

He looked at her after a beat, “It didn’t seem important.” She answered.

“It is important Rae, I would’ve never…if I knew what a cruel bitch she was.” He huffed, “She was there when I got to my flat, she did have a key, and apparently she stayed there the entire time waiting for me. I told her we were done to not even try, and she said that she knew I were with you, that she always knew how I felt about you, about how she told you…how she told you…” he shook his head not able to finish.

“She said she was the reason you got that promotion, that she did it so you would leave.” He gripped the steering wheel, “Fucking bitch.” He gritted.

Rae put her hand on his thigh, “It wasn’t all her though, yeah she did play on my weaknesses but she didn’t know about my history.”

“But what if you wouldn’t have left, we could’ve…we could’ve been together.”

“It might have taken sometime, but yeah, we probably would’ve been.” She agreed.

They were silent for a moment.

“Did you really think I would have left, I mean my car was still in the car park..you could have just come to check.” She joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Olivia said she was going to go to the hotel to talk to you after we had it out. I called your room but you didn’t answer, but Archie reminded me that she didn’t know where you were staying. So I let it go thinking it you were probably just showering, but things took longer than expected, as it turns out I don’t have a job which is fine, it was never anything I was interested in anyway, then I had to call dad and set up a time for him to come pack up the rest of my flat and settle all that, then went through and got the things I thought I would need. But then when I got here and you weren’t in the lobby or in the room I panicked, I thought Olivia had found you trying to spout off some bullshit about you not being good enough, and that we were going to be over before we’ve even really begun.”

“I never worried about you not coming back, Finn.” She smiled, “I know this is real and I’m not running again.”

“I just love you so much, I don’t wanna lose you, Rae.” He turned in his seat reaching out to cup her cheek.

“I love you too.” She smile leaning into his touch.

\--

**_4 years later_ **

“I’m Rae and you’re listening to No Crap F.M. and we’re here to make your commute home a little lighter. We have a special guest co-hosting with me tonight, usually he’s behind the glass telling me to quit bangin’ on a play the music, but tonight he’s sitting next to me and we’ll be taking calls in just a little bit. Finn you want to kick us off…”

“Thanks Rae, and hi everyone out there in radioland…tonight I thought we’d take it back with a little bit of Oasis, this is She’s Electric.”

Finn flicked the switch turning their mics off, “You did good.”

“It’s still early, don’t get your hopes too high.” He laughed.

“You’ll be alright.”

“How’s this one?” he asked placing his hand on her swollen belly.

“Good, likes that song his dad picked, kicking me right in the bladder.”

Finn leaned down kissing her bump, as the song came to an end Rae started off, “Good choice in song there Mr. Nelson…”

“Thank you Mrs. Nelson.” Finn spoke into the mic cheekily.

Rae shook her head holding in her laugh, “But let’s bring it to current times, this is number three on the charts right now, here’s Bastille with Pompeii.”

Rae was sure Finns laugh could be heard before the mic got cut off but she didn’t care. He kissed her lightly on the lips before preparing for the next song. She swiveled lightly in her chair, one hand on her belly as she watched him. The past few years had been good to them, it was a rocky move to Glasgow, but after a few months everything settled, especially because of the help of their mates and his dad, they were wonderful, helping with packing and storing his stuff, she and him made one trip back down for the things he would be bringing back with them and then they settled into their new life.

He found a job easily enough with her, their hours we different, and he started over doing basically the same job he had been doing, but it wasn’t long until he picked up on things, and with his background was moved up in position rather quickly. They were both living their dream, what with both having the jobs they always wanted and being together made everything perfect, Rae didn’t think life could be much better, but then one night during a brutal rain storm the lights had gone out and with candles scattered across their home he asked her to marry him. His question was met with a resounding yes, and a succession of kisses. They married when she was three months pregnant in a small ceremony, only their families and close friends attending.

Her mouth pulled up into a smile as Finn spoke into the mic introducing the next song, “What?” he asked with a hint of a smile looking over at her.

“Nothing.” She grinned, shaking her head lightly, “Just really happy.”

“Good, because I am too.”

She held her hand out to him and he took it with ease, she then rested their hands on top of her belly, gazing into his eyes she knew this is where she was always meant to be, that time didn’t matter, because in the end, they would always be together.


End file.
